The Awesome Gift of Friendship, Part II
I want to slightly expand on the topic of friendship again, but take a slightly different twist on the topic by looking at marriage + if it all goes wrong + the pain that comes from it = the importance of choosing the right friends. I, like you, have been blessed to have some awesome friendships in life. And just like life, I have had people come and go in my life. The most awesome friendships are the ones that have stuck and don’t seem to be going anywhere. I truly value those friendships that seem to be set in stone.
And what is really awesome is to have a best friend- one that you can be vulnerable with and open up to. One that you know you can count on, and they can count on you. And despite any disagreements and challenges, you overcome and it makes the friendship stronger. Once I lost a best friend to a misunderstanding and it is one of the most difficult life changing experiences I have ever had. Some time ago, a friend mentioned to me that he read an article that stated, when a best friend relationship ends, it’s like going through a divorce. I really think it’s true because there is an emptiness. You can’t pick up the phone and call them to talk, you can’t hang out, you miss them- it feels empty…
When I listen to some of my married friends talk I hear them refer to each other as each other’s best friend. And that’s how it should be. Your spouse should be the person that you are vulnerable with, the person that you tell everything to, the person that you laugh with and cry with, the one that you can trust-> your everything. I’ve seen it up close and personal but I can’t imagine what people go through emotionally, mentally, physically, or even spiritually after having shared marriage and then it all goes wrong and ends in divorce. It’s painful.
Each divorce is different and the reasons for it are complex. I don’t seek to be an expert on divorces. We can go to Malachi 2 and see what God says about divorce and read secondary sources as well. But, I feel that I can say, and with confidence, that divorce or best friend break down is rooted in selfishness on both sides. I also believe that relational breakdown is superseded by spiritual breakdown. I also believe that there is a solution for relational breakdown:
1.) We must ensure that our individual relationship with Jesus is in the right place so that He can help us work through any selfishness that contributes to break ups of any kind.
2.) We must renew our minds (Romans 12:2) to live peaceable lives, so when disagreements arise we know when to pick our battles. None of the graces that make a marriage or friendship work come from the outside in, they come from the inside (relationship with Jesus) out. It’s not easy but there is a solution to until-death-do you part relationships.
The main point that I want to end with and why I wrote this post is that we must be wise about who we call friends. Here’s some wisdom from King Solomon: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23) And, be wise about who you make your life partner- your ultimate earthly best friend. We have no certainty that who we choose to walk down the aisle with will end in “to death do you part.” But, there are signs we can look for + God’s guidance in making this choice. For we certainly don’t want to experience the pain of a breakup, especially when we choose to ignore red flags in courtship. Happy Friday and have an awesome weekend! Do something nice for someone. xx