Relationship- Pornography & Adultery

(Washington, D.C., the city of my B.A. days, and a photo of the US Capitol Building in the autumn. According to a 2015 Washington Post article, the city topped a list ranking the country's most adulterous cities for the third year in a row). 

Sex, porn, adultery- the latter two which can give but a moment of pleasure and satisfaction, but in the long-term leaves you feeling empty, broken, and frustrated. And the former- sex- something that God created to be beautiful within the boundaries of marriage, and to be the conduit through which human life is born, has been taken to a new level where naked photos and sex films, and cheating on your partner is supposed to give you the same feelings that God’s intended view of sex with one married partner should be.

It’s as if everything that God made to be beautiful: sex, money, racial diversity, women, food, humanity, and marriage has been tainted and twisted by Satan. Satan has had footholds in these areas since the fall of man. He seeks to distort and turn around what God has made and intended to be good, because of his hatred toward Triune God, and we get these twisted creations of sex in the guise of sexuality immorality. And Satan could care less who a victim or the victimizer of porn or adultery is, as they affect men, women, young, old, black, white, and everyone in between.

You might want to check out Simone Smith’s blog, The Be(a)st in Me. In this post (click here) she describes her struggle with her pornography addiction. As you will see, for an African – American female, porn breaks the stereotype of race and gender.

As I have been trying to point out with this theme of relationship the past few weeks, when Jesus isn’t Lord over our lives our spiritual lives and our relationship with God is affected. And believe it or not, our relationship with ourselves is affected. And then inevitably our relationship with others is affected.

·“By 2017, a quarter of a billion people are expected to be accessing mobile adult content from their phones or tablets, an increase of more than 30% from 2013.”

·“64% of Christian men and 15% of Christian women say they watch porn at least once a month.”

·“Regular church attendees are 26% less likely to look at porn, however self-identified “fundamentalists” are 91% more likely to look at porn.”[1]

As the statics have just shown, porn affects Christians too. There are many Christians with all kinds of skeletons in the closet, but many keep them hidden. What drives people to sexual immorality, specifically porn and adultery is rooted in complicated life experiences (baggage). Or in some, there’s not always a bad life experience that brings sexual immorality. But, it takes a desire and self-introspection to get to the root of why adultery happened or porn happened. And they can’t just be healed with only prayer. Through prayer and a desire to change, God can provide the right people and tools to help one be free from porn or adultery addictions.

· “74% of men say that they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught.” 68% of women said they would too. In 41% of U.S. marriages, one or both spouses have admitted to infidelity, either physical or emotional.”[2]

POWER, SEX, and MONEY. These are the major determinants of someone’s character when they receive power and or influence. They’re all loosely related. And with power comes all kinds of sexual temptations.[3]

What causes someone to commit adultery is often complicated. And why someone chooses to engage in porn is often complicated. But, one thing that is certain is that there is brokenness somewhere. It is incredibly uncomfortable to self-introspect and find the truth of the brokenness. We’re all broken, caught in the mercy and grace of God. But, when deeply rooted issues [i.e. past pains caused by others, abuse, childhood issues, power, influence, amassing a large sum of money] that are hidden in the dark recesses of our hearts- the ones that we put Band-Aids on, thinking that we can just live with them, but we choose to not take them to the Throne of Grace- we will struggle harder than we have to. Christ stands ready at the door of our hearts so that He can go in and do work in those dark recesses, to cleanse us and to set us on a righteous path of living.

If porn and adultery aren’t addressed other people will get hurt, lies will have been told, maybe much money would have been spent, and maybe some lives will be lost. Looking at Ted Bundy (click here) & Jeffrey Dahmer (click here- minute 4.30), infamous American serial killers, they were very open years later from prison that the root of his serial killing of men and women (Dahmer even ate some of his victims) rose from watching porn at an early age. These men also suffered from deeper sick issues- mental, emotional, spiritual, and chemical. 

When Osama bin Laden’s home was raided, and if the evidence of what was found in his home is true, there were stashes of pornographic photos and films.

When most adulterers and porn addicts let someone in to help them with getting to the root cause of their actions, you find that most were sexually molested as children, and their sex and sexuality compass’ are tainted, because they were sexually tainted at such an early age. Satan seeks to taint others and break them, so that they can taint others, therefore, starting a cycle of broken and ruined lives.

Why did God give the 10 Commandments? They’re not meant to burden us or for Him to be a cruel Parent. But, these 10 Commands, other Biblical commands, and the Scripture are guides of protection for better living. When we’re extremely broken, we begin to hurt ourselves, then others, and then maybe we start lying. And if we don’t catch ourselves and change we can easily break another Commandment then another and then another until we’re caught up in a situation that we’ll dearly have to pay for [i.e Dahmer or Bundy]. God doesn’t want our brokenness, or our baggage to get so heavy to where we put Band-Aids on them, hoping we can manage them alone, when in reality we can’t.

I encourage you to take life’s sexual sins, whether extreme or light to God- He can handle everything you’ve done. He’s already seen what you’ve done so confess it to Him. If you’re really wanting freedom, find a sincere Christian, or trained person who knows about sexual addictions to help lead you, and if you need Christian counseling, get it! Cast your burdens upon the Lord for He cares, because His yoke is easy and His burden is light (1 Peter 5:7 / Matthew 11:30).

Happy Friday! xx

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[1] „Covenant Eyes,“ Pornography Statistics: Annual Report 2015, http://www.covenanteyes.com/pornstats/

[2] Ibid.

[3] A T.D. Jakes reference.