It’s about a week away from my one-year anniversary and I’ve been thinking a lot about how God has placed me with this man that I never thought I would marry. When I met Clint, I thought that an NFL player would be the last thing I would want, especially one from my home state of Texas. But little did I know, he was really nothing like I thought he would be, and was everything I actually needed.

As this first year played out, there were moments of fear and doubt. There were the thoughts like “what if we are horrible for each other, we just didn’t know it” or “what if our wounds from the past are declaring us doomed to be divorced?” Maybe those are intense, but if you know me, you know I can be an extreme person. Those thoughts were fueled by fear without the comfort and truth that God has provided us.

In Mark, Jesus was talking to the disciples about marriage and said “what God has joined together, let no man separate.” This opened my eyes. This was not by some random chance that I married this man. God had joined us together. He put us in this covenant, fully aware that this union would not only strengthen both of us, but bring about joy and the fullness of who we were made to be in Christ.

When I realized that, my perspective changed. I felt God speak to me and say “you both carry what the other needs.” And the more I’ve pressed into that belief, the more I’ve found it true. Clint carries a faithfulness, integrity, and safety that I had been longing for since I was a kid. He brought peace to the storms of my heart. I carry a joy and a heart of understanding and forgiveness that he needs to feel fully accepted (his words not mine).  So now when those fearful thoughts come in the midst of misunderstanding, I go back to this truth.

It becomes even more evident when one of us is struggling. It’s noticeable to see the strength required of one of us when the other is having an off day, week, or even month. During the football season, I feel an inner resilience in me that’s required to help Clint navigate the uncertain and intense circumstances of the NFL. And when I’m feeling lost or hopeless about a situation I see him spring up a well of comfort and reassurance. At times we may feel like we don’t know what to do to help the other, but the truth is that we already have within us what the other needs. Sometimes that’s just showing the other person the Jesus that is within us. We don’t necessarily have to feel the pressure to be perfect and meet the needs of our spouse effortlessly. Be encouraged that we have the Holy Spirit living on the inside of us and He knows what to do and say. He can empower us to release what we carry for our spouse when they need it. Simply remember that they carry what your heart truly desires and that you carry that for them as well.