I asked a guy once what does he do when life throws challenges and pains- he replied with laughter and honesty in his voice: “There’s always another girl to lay with, drinking, porn, and or the club.” I asked him what does he do after he’s done all that. He said: “I do it again and again.” I asked him if he was happy.

He paused and looked at me.

We both knew the answer. He’s as happy as he knows how to be and he’s thinking that these things will make him whole. There’s only so much meaningless UNmarital sex you can have until it catches up with you, mentally and emotionally. God forbid physically, with catching an STD. And the drinking, porn, drugs, continuous clubbing to fill a void, and any other form of hedonism won’t bring any satisfaction either. Those who have had their fill of these things get bored with them after a while. There’s more to life than sex, drugs, and rock n’roll.

I feel compelled to write this post, not out of judgment or condemnation- oh contraire- but out of love. All around me I see my generation, even those in the church or those who could care less about God, living like they’re emotionally and mentally immune to unmairital sex.

I remember when I lived in Spain a woman said to me, “I don’t understand why the Holy Father [the Pope] says no sex before marriage. It’s not normal to say such things because sex is normal.”

This statement from a Catholic woman who goes to Mass almost every Sunday and occasionally cracks open the Bible to read it, made me realize that she doesn’t even know what the purpose of sex is.

In order to understand the purpose for sex, one has to understand firstly why God made man. Then secondly, one has to understand why men are made to have a relationship with God and know their identities in Christ before marriage. Then thirdly, you move onto understanding what marriage is. And finally, you understand what sex is. But it’s not just this Spanish woman; a lot of people don’t understand what marriage is, much less what sex is.

What is the purpose of marriage or sex?

1). Reflect His image: The Bible tells us that God created marriage to reflect His image. In an article by Marshall Segal, he paints the image clearly:

Marriage is God in your lifelong commitment to another. Marriage is about knowing God, worshiping God, depending on God, displaying God, being made like God. God made man and woman in his image and joined them together, giving them unique responsibilities to care for one another in their broken, but beautiful union.

What makes marriage worth having is that you, your spouse, and those around you see more of God and his love for us in Jesus. If you’re not experiencing that with your boyfriend or girlfriend, break up with him or her. If that’s not our priority, we need to get a new game plan and probably a new scorecard for our next significant other.

2). For Sex: God is pro sex. He created it after all and the pleasure that goes along with it. He could have made it without pleasure. But, He clearly states that it should only be done within the parameters of marriage. Why? Firstly, for the procreation of man- to fill the earth and subdue it (Genesis 1:28). He [God] also wants Godly offspring. Why? So that the Godly offspring can do the good works (Ephesians 2:10, Hebrews 13:21, Philippians 1:6) that He has called us to do.

Secondly, and since he created the act and all the emotions/ vulnerability that go along with it, He knew it would be better to state that it should be done within marriage. Why? Because there is safety when there is sex within marriage. Segal states further:

Friends who enjoy sex with “no strings attached” will find pleasure, but not the peaks waiting on the other side of mutual promises. The happiness of marriage is not only or even mainly physical. With the sex, there ought to be a deep sense of safety, a sense of being loved and accepted for who you are, a desire to please without the need to impress. When God engineered the sexual bond between a man and a woman, he made something much more satisfying than the act itself.

Those who recklessly give themselves to a love-life of dating without really dating, of romantic rendezvouses without Christ and commitment, are settling. They’re settling for less than God intended and less than he made possible by sending his Son to rescue and repurpose our lives, including our love-lives, for something more. More happiness. More security. More purpose.

And the more is found in a mutual faith in and following of Jesus. With this “more,” we can say to the watching world, don’t settle for artificial and thin loyalty, affection, security, and sexual experimentation when God intends and promises so much more through a Christian union. And a Christian union can only be found through Christian dating.

3). Resist Temptation: It strengthens us to resist all kinds of temptation. Read Ecclesiastes 4:12

4). Evangelism: Marriage is used to win souls to Christ.

I’d love to keep typing but for the sake of losing your attention or this turning into a book, I’d like to only say this:

Sex is holy & Marriage is holy. For the unbeliever this will sound archaic and silly. It’s not archaic or silly. For all of us humans (Christian or NonChristian), we can only carry but so many burdens, and when we engage in things that will have emotional, mental, or physical burdens, it’s not God who brought them. It’s we that often create our own burdens from bad decision-making.

If you’re having sex and you’re not married, it’s best to stop. If you’re having sex with someone other than who you walked down the aisle with, stop. If you’re having sex with someone that you’re engaged to and living with him or her, stop. God will honor those who wait till their wedding night to consummate their marriage. If we live outside God’s Word there are inevitable emotional consequences.

Happy Friday & Love xx,

Ally

If you want to read the article by Marshall Segal: When the Not-Yet Married Meet: Dating to Display Jesus.

SO GOOD- lots of meat here (veggie for the vegetarians). My father sent this to me. Make me happy and listen to this 30-minute perspective by Dr. Phil Mills: “God’s Purpose for Marriage” It picks up at minute 9.13.