What husbands must know before marriage

In the Epistles of Ephesians and Colossians, the Apostle Paul gives a commandment to husbands regarding their conduct and character in marriage: to love their wives as Christ loves the church. This profound directive is not only significant, but it actually mirrors the divine relationship between Christ and His bride, the church.

In Ephesians 5:25-29 (New International Version), Paul says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her... In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies." Similarly, in Colossians 3:19 (New Living Translation), he admonishes husbands, "Love your wives and never treat them harshly."

This command on husbands, especially as it pertains to loving as Christ loved – this analogy that the Apostle Paul presents the sacrificial nature of Christ's love for the church, and it makes me think of my own personal relationship with Jesus Christ and what He did for me. Christ's love for the church (and also me) is patient, enduring, and full of grace, our sacrificial lamb. He reconciled the church to the Father through His selfless sacrifice, offering hope and a future. Husbands are called to emulate this love in their marriages, it’s not just about loving your wife, but rather loving her the same way Jesus loves the church. You might be reading this and thinking: I want to love my wife as Christ loves the church, but how does that look like practically? The answer to that question is simple, Jesus came in the flesh and walked on the earth as an example, and so if you want to know what is required of you as a husband, think about how your relationship with Jesus feels like (that’s assuming you have one).  That feeling of trust, feeling loved, feeling safe, feeling like you have hope and a future, that everlasting love, that how your wife should feel within the marriage.

Regrettably, many husbands fail to grasp the gravity of this command. Instead of embodying Christ-like love, they may resort to harshness, infidelity, or even abuse. Such conduct not only tarnishes the sanctity of marriage but also dishonours God.  Listen loving as Christ loved is not conditional and should only happen if your wife submits, loving as Christ loved is a requirement and should be upheld for as long as you are married.

In many South African cultures, there exists a tradition where the older married women would sit with the bride and speak to her on her wedding day, about how she should conduct herself as a wife and the character of a good wife. However, a similar practice for men is non-existent, and without intending any disrespect to tradition but, I believe that men also need to be taught how they ought to conduct themselves as husbands. This discrepancy highlights the need for men to be educated on their roles as husbands and heads of homes.

Paul's words in 1 Peter 3:7 (English Standard Version) further empahsises about the importance of honouring one's wife: "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honour to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."

The idea that God may withhold His ear from husband’s prayers due to marital discord should give husbands pause. Imagine the gravity of prayers going unanswered because of strife within the marriage.

As women, it is imperative that we advocate for marriages founded on mutual love, respect, and reverence for God's design. We must encourage open dialogue and education on the responsibilities of both husbands and wives within the marriages.  So gents, at the next men’s conference maybe the seriousness of marriage and how husbands ought to conduct themselves should be on the agenda

In conclusion, the command for husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church is not merely a suggestion but a sacred instruction. Let us challenge ourselves and our communities to uphold the sanctity of marriage, honouring God and serving as examples of how to do marriage right.