Written by Seele’s Contibutor, Thomasena Thomas, who in her singleness shares how single people should be praying for their Kingdom partner, and the mindset that one should have in waiting for God to bring your spouse

Marriage, a word that has a special place in my heart and oftentimes fills my desires for the future. Growing up, my mother would pray for my siblings and me, covenant partners. She would pray that our covenant partners would be people after God's own heart. When I was younger, I didn’t understand why she did it, as I grew older, I started to understand. My mother would pray these prayers in hopes that we would one day joined with other souls fired up for God. As the years went by, I became captivated by this idea of marriage. I dreamed of getting married, having a husband, and starting a family one day. What I didn’t dream about was the refining process I would have to go through to be ready to commit to another person and have a relationship that points to God.

As I grew older, I started to pray this prayer myself. What I noticed, however, was that sometimes my prayers would be selfish. I would pray for qualities that I thought were great for this God-sent man to have. Characteristics that are good and well-intentioned but not positioning my heart to know what God wants for my covenant partner to be like.

Of course, God listens to our desires but at the end of the day, He is going to send the person that He knows is right for us. Not the person that “completes us”, we should already be working towards wholeness and completeness outside of the realms of courtship. We should search for wholeness within ourselves through a relationship with Christ. Your future spouse will compliment you, but it is God who makes you whole and complete.

For me, this process of wholeness with Christ is learning who I am and Christ refining me for His good works. I am 21 years old, young, full of life, and trusting God. I don’t know who my covenant partner is but oftentimes, I write to him, I pray for him, I occasionally think about him.

A sweet friend of mine named Elizabeth changed my vocabulary on how I should address my future mate, to address him as my covenant partner. I truly love this way of viewing a relationship with my future mate because in our relationship we are in a covenant agreement that points to God. All that I am and do points back to God thus the relationship I go into must do the same. God talks about us being righteous in His eyes. This isn’t an “I am better than” mentality but more so the mentality that in this covenant agreement with this person, that we must honor God in all that we do within the relationship.

In thinking about my season of singleness, what I have learned is to let go of expectations. I believe as a young woman, the best way to prepare myself for God's best son for me is by submitting myself and my expectations over to God. It is easy to become bitter, sad, anxious about not meeting the “one”. However, if we submit our expectations on when we expect things to happen, then when he does come into our lives; we are surprised, excited, and ready to court for the Kingdom.

Courting for the Kingdom is not easy because whatever past hurts you have both experienced can and will resurface with time. This is why it is so important to give the relationship over to God in the very beginning. You cannot love someone fully and authentically if you don't love yourself fully, nor if you don’t love God fully.

Singleness is truly a time to allow God to sanctify the flesh and let go of the things and notions that you desire that aren’t of Him. When going into an intentional and purposeful relationship such as a courting one, this is crucial. God will show you who the one is when the time is right and will prepare your heart for him.

There is a sacredness to singleness, it’s a beautiful time to be alone fully with God. When we are single with Christ, we can connect to Christ in such a profoundly beautiful way. Use your singleness for the glory of God and turn it into a sacred journey with Him. This is your time to experience a sacred journey: one that is filled with holiness and grace, and most importantly, serving and loving Jesus with all your heart.

Even outside of the realm of courtship, create Christlike relationships with your family and friends. Relationships that are nurturing, loving, compassionate, and intentions. Paul said that whatever state he is in, he has learned to be content. We must have this mindset in regard to waiting for our covenant partner. Do not look at the things you do not have, instead be pleased and thankful to God.

According to Paul in 1 Corinthians, single people have the time to demonstrate undistracted devotion to God. My advice is to take your season of singleness to solely focus on you and the work God has for you to do. When the right person comes, you will know, don’t worry, he’s coming sooner than you think.