This month, Ally encouraged me to write about forgiveness. Phew, what topic forgiveness is. The last month has been a whirl wind for me, from the busyness of college to having to slow down and move back home. My move back home turned into a restoration of the internal. My relationship with God changed when I moved back home.

At school, I found time to study the Word, meditate, and pray, but it’s different at home. It’s quieter at home and within that quiet stillness, I started to glean more from God. I started to notice the places in my heart that weren’t whole, I started to notice the things my heart yearned for wasn’t in my life anymore. At home, I felt more premature in my faith, I felt like God and I was in this weird space where I am so close to reaching Him, yet so far away.  

I have been compartmentalizing areas of my life that I thought I healed from and could move on from. Yet, since I’ve been home, I can’t sleep, I toss and turn, sometimes I cry out to God and get frustrated because I feel as if He isn’t listening to me. I spend my mornings in devotion to Him and still can’t hear His voice or glean His direction on matters that concern my heart.  

Thus, here I am now, writing about forgiveness and restoration. Pining to know how that is achievable when it comes to matters of the heart. I believe we can become so consumed in what we want in this world, that what we think is from God, and those desires don’t pan out the way we thought they would, we become heartbroken, frustrated, and angry with God.

I hate to say I’ve been angry with God but that’s what I feel sometimes. I take pride in being a young devout Christian, being able to break apart scripture and understand the intricacies of God’s Word. I’m a writer so of course I able to formulate beautiful prayers and encouragements. However, these do not matter when it comes to the painful matters of the heart. What matters is the complete sacrifice of whatever it is that we allowed ourselves to have a stronghold of in our life.

It is literally dying to whatever it is so that God can inhabit our hearts and give us peace. Forgiveness isn’t just about us, it’s about whatever, whoever is on the receiving end of this forgiveness. This is a 3-fold mission that starts with God and the matters of the heart. Forgiveness is about your inner motivations and why you are seeking it.

Over the course of Lent, I discovered a lot about forgiveness. I read different plans focused on “how to forgive”, “when to forgive”, “should we forgive”, and came to the conclusion that forgiveness is about grace. It is about extending grace to the one who hurt us and finding within ourselves the ability to let go of the hurt and give it to God. Phew lord, it is not easy, by any means.

In the book of Matthew (18:22), Jesus says that “we should forgive seventy times seven times”, the number 7 is the number of completion and the number Jesus describes in this lesson is one that symbolizes boundlessness.

What are you storing up within you that you haven’t forgiven? What pain are you holding onto that you need to give over to God so that He can help you move forward?