Becoming Whole: Healing the Parts of Me I Tried to Hide

Photo Credit: Raymond li

There was a version of me I thought I had to protect—pieces of my past, wounds I didn’t dare look at, and insecurities I thought made me unlovable. I learned early on that if I wanted to be accepted, I had to present a “clean” version of myself. Strong. Put it together. Faithful. Forgiving. And if I wasn’t those things, I just needed to fake it until I was.

But behind the smile was a soul quietly breaking.

God doesn’t call us to hide. He calls us to heal. And healing begins where hiding ends.

The Performance Trap

For years, I performed my faith. I knew the Scriptures, said the right things, volunteered when needed—but all while carrying the weight of shame, regret, and grief underneath. My prayer life became a place of vague words, never quite naming the real fears. I couldn’t say them out loud, even to God.

The danger of hiding is that you begin to believe your healing is impossible.

But healing doesn’t come through pretending. It comes through presence—God’s presence in our most unpresentable parts.

The Moment God Interrupted My Hiding

One day, while reading Luke 8, I stumbled upon the woman with the issue of blood. She touched the edge of Jesus' cloak in a crowd and was instantly healed. But what struck me was that Jesus didn’t let her remain hidden. He stopped everything to bring her out of the shadows.

“Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.” – Luke 8:48

He didn’t just heal her body. He restored her identity.

That story undid me. I had been crawling behind Jesus for so long, just hoping He wouldn’t notice how broken I really was. But He noticed. And He wanted to heal me fully—not just the outside, but the soul parts I had tried to keep buried.

Healing Is Slow, But It’s Sacred

Wholeness didn’t come all at once. It came in pieces. In honest journal entries. In therapy. In tearful confessions to safe friends. In long walks and whispered prayers. In learning to say, “I’m not okay” without guilt.

It came in Scripture that washed over me like water—especially verses like:

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3

“You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.” – Psalm 139:5

And strangely, wholeness came in unexpected reminders of God’s love—like the quiet reverence of a handcrafted Nativity Set carved in olive wood, reminding me that Jesus stepped into our fragile world to be with us—brokenness and all.

What I Want You to Know

If you’re reading this with parts of yourself still hidden, still hurting, still hoping no one notices—I want you to know that God sees. Not to shame you, but to love you. To sit with you in the dark and gently draw you toward the light.

He’s not afraid of your mess. He is a Healer, not a judge.

Becoming whole isn’t about becoming perfect. It’s about letting God into every room of your heart—even the ones you’ve kept locked.

You are not too far gone. And healing is not just possible—it’s promised.