Confront Thyself: Unforgiveness

This month, Seele Magazine’s Friday Posts will be a part of a new series titled ‘Confront Thyself,’ with Proverbs 27:19 as our guide, with this idea, as if you’re looking at your heart and your soul in a mirror- what do you see? Chief Editor, Ally will present 5 issue areas that you may be struggling with that are ungodly and can’t come any further into 2020, unless you want a repeat of 2019.

Last week we looked at fear, today the topic of unforgiveness is on the table. Unforgiveness is like taking cyanide. It will only hurt you and deteriorate your own body.

Unforgiveness and bitterness towards another is really like taking cyanide. It doesn’t hurt or affect another person if we imbibe poison ourselves, and eventually, it will eat away at us and in some way kill us- kill our peace, our physical health, or our relationships. Most any good reputable religion in the world charges its followers to forgive. The health industry has stated the harmful side of effects that unforgiveness brings- stress, hypertension, headaches, a breakdown of organ function due to the stress of bitterness, arthritis, chronic pain and quite possibly disease.

We’re familiar with the Scripture verses to forgive- 70x7, or the parable of the Unforgiving Servant from Matthew 18: 21-35- and we see in our broken world how unforgiveness has led to some of the world’s most tragic atrocities. And some of us have heard people like John Bevere teach on “The Bait of Satan,” which is bitterness and unforgiveness, for which he says, “The man or woman who doesn't forgive has forgotten the price that Christ paid for them on the Cross.”

I’ve gone through all kinds of situations and challenges with people since leaving home for university at 18. I’m sure you too have stories of people who have betrayed you, lied on you, maybe have tried to kill you, or destroy you and your loved ones in some way. We could probably write a good best seller or Hollywood script, haha.

I used to really struggle with people who mistreated me. I would as my mom says ‘dwell’ for days, weeks, and months in pain trying to sort through the pain that they caused- often feeling bitter not able to forgive. But as I’m in my 30s and continue to walk with Holy Spirit, I realize as each year passes the significance of forgiveness. I think that as we continue to experience hardships with people, we will either forgive and do it more quickly, or, become more bitter. For me it’s the former. I don’t dwell so long on when people mishandle me now. For one day or week it will bother me, but I continue moving forward even during this “one day or one week” period. I’m still human, haha, and I can’t say I don’t dwell at all.

God is very SERIOUS about forgiveness that He goes so far in His word to call unforgiveness ‘wicked’ (see Matthew 18: 21-35). Forgiveness is a powerful thing. And an authentic Christian will walk through pain caused by others, be able to forgive, and not retaliate. This is one of the characteristics of being a Christian, that we leave vengeance to God and choose to love, pray for the person, and move on.

It is true what Bevere has taught on for so many years. If we cannot forgive then we’ve lost sight that as sinful humans, Jesus left the comforts of Heaven to become the sacrificial Lamb so that we might have eternal life. Jesus is the essence of forgiveness and the perfect model. I’m not saying to discard the feelings and emotions that come with being mishandled by others. Feel the pain, and let Holy Spirit in to walk with you through it- speak to a friend or professional Christian counselor if you need to. Don’t go it alone if you’re really burned by what another has done to you.

But as we heal, we must keep in mind that we too are sinners and Jesus set us free from our sins, so there needs to be an element of grace that comes into play, meaning that when others mishandle us, we can look to them with the love of Jesus because He looked to us with love when He went to the cross. No one is perfect and sometimes we are the Israelite and sometimes we are the Egyptian; sometimes we are the oppressed and sometimes we are the oppressor. Forgiveness is letting them go for your peace and health, not theirs. And remember that one day we all will stand before God and what has been done wrongly to you by another, they will stand before God and give an account. He always gets the final word. And we too will stand before God and have to give an account if we chose unforgiveness.

So, if you’re struggling with unforgiveness and want to forgive and be free, but are finding it hard to do so, get alone with God and pour out your heart, stay in prayer through the unforgiving feelings, and ask God to help you forgive that person. Institute some practical tools like Christian counseling to help you if you need it- or talk it out with a friend. Read books on the unforgiveness; watch sermons and talks; pop some popcorn, dim the lights and watch a good Hollywood movie on how unforgiveness has led to great human tragedy, which might assuage you to want to forgive so that your unforgiveness won’t lead to other people being affected; and don’t forget to pray for the person who has hurt you. Prayer is powerful and God can also use the situation to change their hearts, grow them, and redeem them.