Therapist warns asking AI one question after an argument could sabotage your relationship…
Reaching for your phone after an argument might feel like a harmless way to get a second opinion. But a therapist is warning that one question could leave couples more determined to win the disagreement and less willing to resolve it.
The question is: “Am I in the wrong?” Asked of an AI chatbot, it can produce a reassuring answer that appears balanced and authoritative, despite being based on just one person’s account.
Research led by Stanford University, published in Science in March 2026, found that people who interacted with overly agreeable AI became more convinced they were right and reported less willingness to apologize or make amends.
They also rated the agreeable responses as more trustworthy. The findings concern people’s attitudes and intentions, rather than proving that AI use causes relationships to break down.
For Natalie Buchwald, a therapist at Manhattan Mental Health Counseling, the danger is taking that reassurance back into the relationship as evidence against a partner.
She explained: “After an argument, it can be comforting to hear that your reaction was completely justified. But when you describe what happened to a chatbot, you choose which details it receives. It has not heard your partner’s perspective, and it cannot independently establish what happened.
Buchwald specializes in mood and eating disorders, helping individuals and couples improve their emotional wellbeing and build stronger relationships. Her approach emphasizes the connection between mind and body.
“You can finish that conversation feeling as though an impartial judge has ruled in your favor, when the response has been shaped by your own account,” she says.
That reassurance can then become ammunition. Showing a partner screenshots or announcing that “even AI says you’re wrong” risks turning a conversation about hurt feelings into another fight about who deserves the blame.
Buchwald warned: “If you return to your partner armed with a verdict, you may stop being curious about what they were trying to tell you. Their explanation becomes something to defeat. That can make it much harder to acknowledge your own part in the argument.”
For everyday disagreements, she recommends putting the phone down before seeking a verdict. Give yourself time to settle, then identify what upset you, anything you regret saying, and what you want to change.
The next conversation should focus on those specifics. Explaining that you felt ignored when a plan changed gives your partner something concrete to respond to; presenting an AI-generated assessment of their character can push the discussion further away from the original problem.
She advised: “Try saying, ‘I’m still upset about what happened, but I want to understand how you saw it.’ You can apologize for raising your voice without withdrawing a valid concern or accepting responsibility for everything. Be cautious if the reassurance you get from AI leaves you less willing to listen. Feeling vindicated may bring immediate relief, but your partner still needs to be heard.”
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Therapist warns asking AI one question after an argument could sabotage your relationship…