Knowing When To Stay Silent
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. ”
Words have power. God spoke the world into existence, he spoke the creation of humans into existence. And our words too have power, and if words have power to build, they also power to tear down and create all kinds of problems.
The Bible is very clear that Christians should let words edify, not tear down. And sometimes that means not letting the person on the left know what the person on the right has said, for the sake of peace. I want to speak in the context of talking about others, not gossip, but more specially of giving people sincere heartfelt advice or sharing with someone with a pure heart, factual information as a warning of what you have seen or experienced by another.
The older I get, I’ve learned it’s sometimes best to keep quiet in situations where even friends or family are opening up about their problems. When they are looking back at you with big eyes of, “what should I do about this problem I’m having with another?” We really need to know when to speak up and give advice like: “you should leave that relationship, or sounds like you need to say this or set up this or that boundary.” Because, that person may go back to the person they’re having a situation with and say, “well so and so told me I should leave you.” And voila, you’ve gotten thrown under the bus when your heart was pure and you had good intentions of warning, not wanting your advice to be shared with the person they are having a situation with.
Or, when you’ve noticed something not kosher about another, or have a bad feeling about someone and you go to a person that’s engaging in a transactional relationship with them and say, “be careful with this person; or I heard this person talking about you; or I don’t have a good feeling about this person.” That person may go back to the person they’re having the transactional relationship with and say, “well so and so told me I should leave you; or so and so doesn’t have a good feeling about you.” And voila, you’ve gotten thrown under the bus when your heart was pure and you had good intentions of warning them about said person.
In these days when humanity seems so frail and easily offended, it’s sometimes best to just listen and let people make their own decisions without any advice. But I would say, in moments of getting thrown under the bus, when you had a pure heart and good intentions, it will show you the character of the person who threw you under the bus, the person who you were trying to help. And sometimes, God will use getting thrown under the bus to reveal to you who someone really is.
Let our words of advice be Spirit guided, and Spirit guided can mean being quiet and telling the person that we’ll pray for them, without any advice.