The Value Of Men
The idea of writing an article focused on men and their value has proven to be a challenge. One I accepted willingly but write begrudgingly, only because I realised that this topic, although about men, seemingly placed a mirror in front of me as a woman. The topic made me more aware of myself as a woman and my true feelings towards men. Even worse, as a South African woman and a survivor of gender based violence (GBV) the reality of both patriarchy and sexism is one I have had to not only witness but experience as well.
In South Africa, 1 in 3 women are said to have experienced some form of abuse from a male counterpart. So you can only imagine how the idea of writing an article highlighting the worth of men almost seemed outrageous. However when met with the opportunity, I accepted. At first I saw it as an amusing challenge, but I soon realised the enormous gravity and depth a topic like this carries.
My obvious bias became uncomfortably obvious. It was clear. It felt easier to fall into the default thinking that men are exactly what society paints them out to be and exactly what I have experienced, ‘the world’s greatest antagonists’. How instead of being our protectors, providers and partners, they have quickly morphed into our predators, abusers, and biggest rivals. Although deep down the question of men having value seems obvious, I mean, of course they have value. Everyone has value. However, I knew that on the surface I struggled to consciously live out this truth.
I struggled to see men for their humanity because by virtue of accepting their humanity, I would then have to come to terms with their vulnerability, their fragility, and their need to be protected. Secondly, I would also have to accept that before any man becomes a predator, he is first preyed on, before he becomes an abuser, he is abused, and before he is a woman’s greatest rival, he loses his worth and forgets his value. This meant that I would have to see myself in the shoes of every man I have encountered and sympathetically hold his hand.
Thirdly, it meant an even greater and more profound truth had to be faced, and that was that the value of men is not earned but it is very much inherent. This intrinsic value stems from a deep place where soul and humanity meet. More so, what is so significant about this meeting of soul and humanity is that although it proves to be weak, flawed and fragile at times, it finds its worth, strength and virtue in the very nature of its creator, God.
Being created and loved by a Heavenly Father means several things: men are valuable, men are beautiful, men are precious and men are needed because of one simple truth, they are children of God. They are kings, they are priests, they are leaders, protectors, fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins, friends and lovers – they are all of this because the Lord says they are. This intrinsic nature is not only one that cannot be faulted, but it is one that humbles. It brings us back to the fragility and beauty of human life and the human experience. It reminds us that men are vulnerable and that by virtue of being made in the image of God, it means that their masculinity is under attack. To be more specific, Godly masculinity is under attack, which explains the lack of men who live and act like they know their true worth.
This brings me to the first point; 1) our men exist in a state of gendered chaos, where they are fed false images of masculinity. This has resulted in our men striving for a sense of (wordly) masculinity, which is in fact at war with itself, at war with men and at war with the Word of God. This is why our men do not know how to be men. The world encourages both males and females to exist and ‘perform’ their genders and sexes in a constant state of confusion, void of God, and void of Truth. This results in a gender-centred war that materialises in both the physical and in the spirit.
This war has forced men to perform and take on a type of masculinity that has its roots planted in fragility, falsehood and lack. Why? Because it disregards who men truly are in Christ, it is completely ignorant to the True Vine and that without Him we can do absolutely nothing (see John 15:5).
“I am the Vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in Me and I in him bears much fruit, for [otherwise] apart from Me [that is, cut off from vital union with Me] you can do nothing.”
Since we find our value in Christ, and outside of Christ we can do nothing, this means that as long as we do not know Christ, we will continue to behave in a manner that lacks true substance. Outside of Him we produce nothing. I dare to say that without Him, we are nothing. Therefore, the true value of a man lies in his ability to emulate and imitate Christ, who is God (see John 1:1 AMP), and abide in Him.
“In the beginning [before all time] was the Word (Christ), and the Word was with God, and the Word was God Himself.”
The nature of Godly masculinity is seen in the nature of God and who He says He is. When we read Exodus 34:6-7 AMP we see a strong and unchanging God, who is just, and yet proudly rejoices in His compassion, His patience, His gentleness and His ability to love and show mercy unreservedly:
“Then the Lord passed by in front of him, and proclaimed, The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth (faithfulness); keeping mercy and lovingkindness for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin; but He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting (avenging) the iniquity (sin, guilt) of the fathers upon the children and the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations [that is, calling the children to account for the sins of their fathers].”
This brings us to our last point: 2) through scripture it is clear that by virtue of being created in the image of God, when men intentionally take up Godly masculinity, they put on compassion, grace, patience, gentleness, lovingkindness, and faithfulness. They are just, merciful, and their hand is seen over generation after generation. However as long as our men struggle to win the battle between this world and the true purpose of their existence, we will continue to witness the brokenness of God's beloved children.
So the question is not whether men have value, because that is evident. Their value is so real and tangible. The real question is: Do Men Know Where To Find Their Value? And that in itself is a whole entire different article.
Glean some more of Oboitshepo’s wisdom from her YouTube channel- here.