Going to Church Every Week Should Not Be an Option- Even If You’ve Been Offended February 7, 2020
People get offended and leave churches for all kinds of reasons- the pastor didn’t like their feedback, no one from the church called to check on them, no one befriended or greeted them, someone didn’t like their clothing style, the church has taken a stance and condemned an issue- like a social issue they are in favor of, or, church leadership wouldn’t allow them to bring their blueberry pie to the church picnic.
Today’s Friday Post is written for mature Christians who are active in their faith or who have familiarity with the church, compared to someone who might be a nominal Christian and hasn’t really ever gone to church.
You, like I have been offended in some way by a church. I have lived in 6 countries and church culture does vary from country. The norms of Christian evangelical churches in Italy will be different from the norms of Christian evangelical churches in the US, Germany, Nigeria, Lebanon and so on. But, one thing is for certain, all churches in all nations are flawed in some way and have offended people- and have offended people to leave a church and go to another, or leave the church altogether. And whether our offenses are wrong and the church could have done better, or our offenses were because we were too sensitive, we cannot let what flawed people who make up a church community deter us from being a part of a church.
Yes, we are supposed to be plugged into a church
Church isn’t just a building, a healthy church is a community of brothers and sisters who study the Bible together, pray together, are there for each other, who seeks to bear the members’ burdens- it should be like a family. And sometimes in our nuclear biological families we fight, argue, offend, or are offended. But what binds us together to keep coming back and being a biological family is love, forgiveness, tolerance and grace. The same should be true in our church families.
Yes, we should be in church every week pushing through offense, committed to serving our pastors and the church’s needs. So, despite the offense that a church member or church leader may have caused, we must be resolved people who continues to go every week. Unless someone has done a heinous crime against you or your family then may God guide you somewhere else. But, even still, after a time of healing has taken place, you must get into another church community.
If you stop going to church because someone offended you, then who were you really going to church for in the beginning?
I’m sure between those of us reading this, we could write a bestseller on being offended in the chruch. One church I went to, I was told I couldn’t contribute to the Bible study group- not even bring a bag of chips because I had visited another church the Sunday before. Another church, I asked a woman in my neighborhood if I could attend her Bible study group because it was closer than traveling across the city to another group, but because of the size and popularity of the church and her popularity in the church, I wasn’t welcomed to her group because only the top and well-known members in the church could attend. And another church, I was told by senior leadership that I wasn’t allowed to attend because I had dated a guy in the church and because the relationship didn’t work out, I couldn’t attend.
All of these instances, for me are offenseable instances. Of course, there is more detail to the instances, but they are silly instances that would lead some to quilting the church altogether.
When I lived in Berlin, I realized in my faith journey at that time that either I’m going to church for people or to serve God. And if I’m going for the former, I’m not going to last long and that sooner or later I’d be a bitter person towards flawed Christians, and not going to church, much less being a part of community- and before I know it years would have passed of me not going to church. I never wanted the devil to have me so much so that 1 month of not going to church would turn into 5 months, 1 year, and then 15 year. Until, I would have looked around wondering how I got so far away from God and not being in Christian community would be my norm. I decided in 2014 to continue going to church, even if I have to change churches, and I resolved within myself that whatever offense another Christian would throw at me, that I would go to church for God, not people. So now, 6 years later, when I’m being told I can’t attend a church because an ex-boyfriend is there and my relationship with him didn’t work out, yes, it stings for a time, but I laugh it off and still continue to go church and be in Christian community. I can only think this way because I know I don’t go to church for people, only God.
As Paul has charged us in Hebrews 10:25 to continue gathering together, he’s not just saying it to say it. There is purpose and meaning there. There’s power in corporate worship. There’s power in being in community. There’s power in corporate prayer. Sitting home every Sunday, only going to church a hand full of times a year is wrong. Quitting the church because someone has offended you is wrong. Yes, I said it, it’s wrong! It’s by being in church and being in community that we learn about the deeper aspects of the Bible, we learn about God more deeply, we edify others, and we are blessed by others.
A church community needs our skills, giftings and talents. And by sitting home every Sunday because you’ve been hurt by someone or you’re not into God to go every week, then I think we have missed the point of Christian community- and we have placed a defied outlook on humans that humans cannot fulfill. Or we have told ourselves that ‘I don’t need to go every week and it’s ok.”
When someone at our work annoys us, we don’t stay home from work. We can’t because we have to make money. So why quit going to church because someone has offended you? If you have to go to a new church then do that with Holy Spirit’s guiding, but be aware that you will eventually get offended by someone at your new church.
Let us resolve in 2020 to be people who, in spite of offense, continue to stay in Christian community, striving to be in church for God firstly, not people, and secondly, to be a blessed and a blessing by others. Church and being planted in one on a weekly basis should not be an option in 2020, rather it should be a priority.