A Conversation for Wives: What Submission Means

KB Chakela unpacks what submission looks like and why it’s a reflection to our relationship with God

The conversation of submission echoes through many cultures and is the cornerstone of numerous discussions regarding marriage. Husbands often express a desire for a wife who understands submission and knows how to submit. However, in my experience, I've come to realize that men/husbands rarely understand what submission is and is not. Submission is not about control or oppression, as it's often misconstrued.  I know that in the South African cultural context, the word “submit” is often used to control wives, and prevent them from having a voice in matters that concern them.

What, then, is Biblical submission?

The Apostle Paul addresses this in Ephesians 5:22-24 (New International Version), where he says, "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."

Similarly, in Colossians 3:18 (New Living Translation), Paul reiterates, "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord."

Submission, according to the English dictionary, is "the action of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person." It's essential to understand that biblical submission is not about husbands exerting control over their wives. Rather, it mirrors our submission to God. Just as we submit to God's authority out of love and trust, wives are called to submit to their husbands in the same manner. Think about submission to God for a for a moment, Do you ever feel like God is controlling and you don’t have a voice? Do you ever feel like you cannot be open and honest regarding how you feel? Like you can’t ask questions? Whenever you feel any of these feelings the reality is that submission becomes difficult. I didn’t say impossible, I said difficult.

It's crucial to dispel the misconception that submission equates to control. True submission to God stems from love, trust, and confidence in His goodness. Paul’s command for wives to submit to their husbands is not contingent on the husband's behaviour. It's a directive from the word of God, emphasizing the importance of submission in marriages. Even when faced with challenges or shortcomings in our husbands, we are called to submit, trusting in God's plan and sovereignty.

To have marriages that glorify God, we must embrace biblical submission wholeheartedly. There's no room for feminist ideologies within marriages that seek to honour God, and I am not saying this as a way to offend anyone. Older wives are, according to Titus 2:4-5 called to teach the younger woman how to be wives. New Living Translation says this: “These older woman must train the younger woman to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands.  Then they will not bring shame on the word of God”. It's the older women’s responsibility to mentor and guide younger women in understanding the significance of submission in marriage. As Ephesians 6:7 (New Living Translation) reminds us, "Work with enthusiasm, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people."

In conclusion, biblical submission is a beautiful reflection of our relationship with God. It's not about control or oppression but about love, trust, and obedience. Let us embrace submission in our marriages, knowing that in doing so, we honour God and experience the richness of His blessings.