What Makes A Good Marriage?- Trevor and Sandra's Story

Married for 30 Years

Originally from Harare, Zimbabwe

‘On the spur of the moment, with the aid of Google, our definition of a good marriage would be a legal or formal union of a high standard between a man and a woman,’ says Trevor and Sandra Weaver

From an earthly / worldly point of view this could look like people being successful in life, having everything, and lacking nothing.  This fell apart recently with the outbreak of the Corona Virus and the subsequent “lockdowns” of communities the world over.

Marriage as originally ordained by God, is way more than this earthly impression.  For us, it is a relationship between the two of us, with God as the third bond and the head of our marriage.   Stepping into this journey, the first thing we both agreed on was that when we got married, divorce was not and never will be an option.  A good marriage is a full commitment, not a 50:50 give and take commitment, we would give our all and that meant 100%. 

It has been good to grow together in Christ, spending time together with God at the start of our day.  This was not always part of our day, but has become part of it.  As with growing together in Christ, we grow together in knowing and getting to know each other.  One does not just know the other when you marry, this is a journey in forming and nurturing a relationship and it never stops.  As with Christ and His bride the church, this relationship continues to grow. 

We have hobbies of our own, but also enjoy spending time together.  Often we can sit together without saying anything, and yet be at peace.  This is the same again when we meet God in the quiet, just being and not doing.  Spending time listening and being ready to listen.  Being interested in each other and each other’s hobbies is important and supporting each other in these hobbies.  Doing things together and not be afraid to do things on your own too.  There are times that I may not want to do something, but it is good to still do these things to support each other.  For example, Trevor may not want to go to a stamp meeting with me, but he does to support me, and vice versa I may not want to spend the day watching sport, but I do to support him and spend time with him. 

Communication is very important.  Neither of us can read the others mind, although we do pretty well in commenting the same thing and you’d think we were reading the others mind, but in all seriousness, communication is key.  Laughter is important, never stop laughing at yourself and with each other.  Sacrifice comes into a marriage too, sometimes timing is not right for one thing but something else is done instead.  It’s not about winning, it’s about loving. 

In all things treat each other with the respect that you would treat yourself and always put God first.