Two Things I Learned from Visiting the County Courthouse Family Court Division + One Thing I’d Seriously Recommend
I recently went with a friend for support to the family court division at their county courthouse. It’s a sobering place, a humbling place, a gray place, and a sad place. But, it’s also a place of wisdom and if you let her speak in such a surrounding, she can protect you and guide you on life’s profound decisions
I once had a friend that worked for the Washington, DC court system and she’d tell me the kinds of cases and lawsuits filed in the courts. I can’t imagine what it’s like to work in such a place, and the only thing I can imagine is that people who work in the court system are glass half empty people, and dot your I’s and cross your T’s sort of people. This same DC friend would always tell me to always put things in writing, have contracts, and don’t do things half way.
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Photo Credit: Ekaterina Bolovtsova
After my three time-visit to the county courthouse in the last weeks, to be a support to a friend, my view on family problems became quite sobering. I have a cousin in New York who is a retired family law judge. I interviewed her a couple years ago and I remember her saying that family law is the hardest type of law there is because families are torn apart.
While sitting in the lobby, I witnessed people filing for divorces, fathers trying to fill out forms and get the correct information on how to get custody of their child, and adult children fighting for custody of their own child but from their parent who have custody. Mostly the people I saw were there for custody reasons. Far from the Paris runways, the glimmering red carpet at Cannes, and the glitz of 5-star luxury that I cover, I was moved by real people fighting serious real-life family situations.
Take serious care in choosing who you marry and who you have children with-
One gentleman was clearly stressed. On Christmas Day, he received a call from his son that his mother had kicked him out on the street. I don’t know the facts of the situation and that’s not my business. But whether the mom was right or wrong in throwing her son out of the house, it’s still a serious situation. This father legally couldn’t pick up his son, according to him because he didn’t have custody. But, there he was, fighting for his son, to get custody.
When we’re in love, or think we’re in love, it’s hard to see the other person clearly. It’s hard to see red flags sometimes. But, I wholeheartedly believe that God will allow flaws to be seen in who we’re dating and considering to marry, especially when we ask. It’s up to us to follow due diligence and walk away from something before we get in too deep. It’s easy to get into a marriage or contract, but it’s hard to get out.
I think of Princess Diana. She saw red flags and things that hurt her before walking down the aisle. She expressed to her sister wanting to call it quits and not marry a man who was in love with another woman. But her sister said to her, “your face is printed on the tea towels now, you can’t back out.” For those who don’t know, when a member of the British royal family is engaged, tea towels, coffee mugs, key chains, and souvenirs are printed with the engaged couple’s face. While it would have been embarrassing and hard to walk away from a marriage to a Prince of Wales, Princess Diana would have had a far happier life if she chose to walk away from the engagement- and she might still be alive today if she had listened to her own gut.
The gentleman at the court I saw, perhaps he saw red flags before having a child with his son’s mother. Taking care, listening to wise counsel, and having the courage to walk away from toxic situations can save your mental wellbeing, and can very well save your life.
Try to create peaceful solutions with people-
"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" Romans 12:18 NIV. Hebrews 12:14 also says something similar. Since most of the cases I heard in the family court lobby were about custody, I’d say that when trying to work out painful situations in life, try and choose peace.
Life already has so many problems. Life is not easy. In most all situations, we enter happily and peaceful. When something like a child is produced and the relationship between the parents, or grandparents who have custody have broken down, things are negative. But, when things are negative in life and broken down, if both sides can have the mindset that the problem can’t be undone, then strive to be mature and work out a solution. In the case of family court, strive to be peaceful to work out a fair custody plan for both sides- especially when both sides are financially, emotionally, and mentally pulling their weight for the care of the child.
This goes in business and platonic relationships too, strive to choose peaceful solutions for both and all sides.
One thing I’d seriously recommend-
At the start of this year, actor Sylvester Stallone made an Instagram post, wishing everyone a Happy New Year. He said something interesting as he wrapped up his post. Ever so randomly he said, “don’t try and change people’s minds, just change you own.” When we see friends and family starting to make a bad decision in the area of marriage or considering to have a child. While it’s their ultimate decision to make the life, they are going to live for themselves, I think an interesting place to take them is to the county courthouse, to the lobby so they can see the loads and burdens others are carrying.
Without saying a word, just take them to the family court division for a sobering moment. Sitting in the lobby for an hour can do more wonders than trying to convince them they may be getting ready to make a bad decision. I had a friend in the church who was headstrong and determined to marry a guy, also in the church. After she told me some of his demands, I began to see that marrying him would be a mistake of gargantuan proportion. Seven years later his ways became clear. He did something so horrible to her that I didn’t even think he was capable of. She’s now in a lot of pain and suffering for how he’s making her life a nightmare, and he’s using their child as weapon to hurt her.
As Michelle Obama said, “life is hard but life is long.” Life is even harder and longer when we marry and have children with the wrong people, or get into the wrong contractual agreements with people. Perhaps taking a friend to the courthouse so they can see real people with real life family stresses is enough to get them to reconsider a choice they’re about to make.
