When Women Give Away Their Power to Men
A few months ago, I watched: My Next Guest Needs No Introduction With David Letterman: Lizzo. The former night show host went to the Grammy award-winning artist’s home to interview her during this time of pandemic. They breech the subject of women giving men their power:
Lizzo:
“We put men in positions of power all the time, especially with love because we trust them to take care of us, and when it’s time they often let us down. ”
David Letterman:
“That’s what men want to be thought of, as great- myself included. Men say: ‘Oh goodness, let me tell you about me.” But, when push comes to shove, he saying to himself, “where’s the next fire escape.” ”
It’s amazing from my point as a woman, that when a female friend starts a relationship with guy, she puts him on top. A lot of women will stop seeing their girlfriends less and reserve most of their hang out time with their significant other, even early in a new relationship with a guy. This is a form of giving away power. But, I’ve noticed that guy friends are able to still manage their friendships when having a girlfriend.
I think that because women are the sex that is chased and desired by men, it’s natural for us to relinquish ourselves and our needs with men. When we don’t have a firm footing in our own identity, we give away ourselves, we give away too much of our power. Sometimes we do it because we never had a guy pursue us so we latch on, or because of daddy issues, or because we’re extremely broken by life, or because of low self-esteem.
But when we do this with men who aren’t good, who aren’t surrendered to Jesus and walking with Holy Spirit to do life, it’s a very dangerous thing, because as Lizzo points out, “when it’s time they often let us down.”
Men who don’t know and understand the awesome responsibility of having a woman’s heart in their hands will at some point inevitably hurt her. It’s not always out of malice but they simply don’t have an identity in Jesus, they aren’t discipled, they aren’t reading their Bibles, and they don’t understand God’s role for men in being protectors of women.
Through my own life experiences, I know what it feels like and I once gave my power away to the wrong man, who, really was a boy in a man’s body. And when I put him in a position of power, I didn’t know my identity in Christ, and so, when the time came, he let me down and hurt like no other. Let me rephrase, it burned beyond belief, where I could only breath second by second. To think about the next 5 minutes was impossible. It was through that pain that I became born again, and Father, Son, and Holy Spirit met me at that time in my life and began to rebuild me, helping me see with spiritual eyes that my identity is in Christ and Christ alone- not any man.
Most all women know what it means to put men in positions of power, only to have that power and our hearts mishandled by boys in men’s bodies. But, a wise woman rooted in Christ, relying on guidance from Holy Spirit, living from a place of knowing her Father God loves her won’t give men power.
Even in marriage a woman should never put her husband who she deeply loves above God. A woman married or single is always and foremost guided by God. But in a Kingdom marriage, her husband is always and foremost guided by God and God is his number one, even before his wife and children.
When God guides two people together to form a marriage formed by Him, it’s then that women can give more “power” to her husband. Because he is trustworthy to handle that power and her heart, because, he understands Genesis 2:15. When God told Adam to “guard and keep the garden,” Adam represents men who are husbands the garden represents his wife and children. A surrendered man to God can handle the power because he knows how to guard and keep his wife’s needs and her love as Christ loves the church. It doesn’t mean he’s perfect, but it means that when the time comes he won’t let her down in a drastic way.
So, in this women’s month around the world, it’s up to us women to protect our own hearts. It means using discernment in the men we choose to date and marry. It means not giving away power before its time. It means as Song of Solomon states: “do not arouse or awaken love until it pleases.” It means being Spirit guided by the men who are pursing us, not senses guided. It means listening, asking questions, and observing. And it also means walking away from men who aren’t with God or walking towards Him.
Only we can look after our own hearts, we can’t blame our decisions to be with the wrong kinds of men on them totally. At some point in time we have to take responsibility for our own decisions, our own hearts and us admitting we need to make better choices in who we give our power away to.